Meshael Louise Ali Richardson

Meshael's Story

Meshael was my only daughter. She wasn't my birth daughter, but I looked after her from three months
before she was born until the day she died. Let me explain!

I was married in 1984 to an Arab in Dubai. One day his family turned up, which was suprising in
itself, to visit us. To cut a long story short, my husbands sister was pregnant, she had been raped,
by her own son. My goodness if that wasn't enough, the family had decided that it was such a
terrible "shame" on their good names to have stuff like this going on and had brought her to my
husband for him to KILL her. You can imagine what was going in on my head. My husband was very
Westernised and tried to explain that it was the custom in Muslim countries that any woman not
married who was pregnant should be killed. I was furious because firstly the poor woman was RAPED
for Gods sake and secondly she had the mind of an eight year old child. After quite a lot of heated
discussion the family agreed that the offending sister would stay with us until the baby was born.

The saddest part of the story was that this poor sister (Fatima) was too scared to tell anyone what
had happened. Finally, when someone noticed she was six months pregnant, it was too late to take any
other action.
The moment I fell in love with my daughter was the moment I heard her heartbeat at the first scan I
took Fatima to. I knew that there was no way I could let anything happen to her. I spoke to my
husband and he agreed with me that when the time came, we would take the baby and raise her as our
own. And we did.

When she was 18 months old, I left my husband (by now an alcoholic) and came back to UK. My family
and I have been estranged for most of my life but I hoped that they would back me. They didn't do
much to help but in the end I managed to find a nursery, a house and a job and Meshael and I lived a
normal life.

One day when she was five or six the dentist noticed that her baby teeth had rotted away. It was odd
because I was very careful about brushing her teeth and sweets etc. They decided that it would be
best to remove them all under anaesthetic so did a routine blood test.

That was the beginning of the worst time of my life.

After months of tests and hospitals they found she had something called Fanconi Anaemia - a genetic
disorder affecting children. There is no cure. A bone marrow transplant can prolong their lives but
they are so prone to cancers that it would only be a prolongation.

For a few years she was almost symptom free. She had regular check ups and blood tests and had to
have the odd blood transfusion.
There wasn't too much information available in this country and I left it a lot to the doctors who I
believed would do their best. Too be honest, I think I stuck my head in the sand too.
I couldn't bear to think of the consequences. However, things got worse and worse.

In 1997, after a very bad spell in hospital, the paediatrician told me there was nothing else they
could do. I should take home to die. She also wanted to tell Meshael that she was going to die. It
was four days before Christmas. How could you even think of telling a child something like that
then? I told her that I didn't want her to be told anything like that. She got quite nasty and
insisted that Meshael had the right to know. After a few heated words, we left it that I would think
about what she had said and we would discuss it with the haemotologist. Dr Wonke is a lovely doctor
and was furious that paeds had gone over her head. Although it was my decision that Meshael would
NOT be told, she told me that she agreed wholeheartedly with me.

Well, Meshael got through that Christmas, and the next. But it was getting worse and worse. The
bleeds were becoming more intense and frequent. Transfusions were almost every week. Her platelet
counts were so low. She almost died three times. I can remember once being so stressed that I wished
that a bus would come and knock her off the pavement - just so it would be over for her instead of
having to go through all that treatment.

Finally, in June 2001, two days before her 15th birthday Meshael died.
I never told her, she knew though.

I was lucky to have one perfect night, the Saturday before she died. The morphine was just kicking
in and she was out of pain for the first time in weeks. We talked and laughed and had just the best
night ever. Her face was glowing out of the pillow. She died two days later. Her heart was failing,
her kidneys had failed. I had to let them turn off the drugs
and let her go peacefully.

I have never known such pain. I believe that nothing will ever be able to hurt me again after
feeling that pain.

I am so glad that I brought Meshael up to believe in spiritual things. She had all kinds of healing
and meditation and met lots of lovely people who helped her to understand about Angels and
religion.

One year later I was invited by my sister to a TV recording of \"The Sixth Sense". I had no idea
who the person was at the time but it turned out to be someone called Colin Fry. He is a medium.
Well, I was quite sceptical when I walked in, but he picked me out of hundreds of people. He started
to talk about conversations I had had with different people in the last few days before the
recording and he went into so much detail about so many things. I have no doubt that was my little
girl. There are no two other people who could know what he knew.
He talked about the rose bush my friend had tried to buy for Meshael. He said it was beautiful but
shame about the colour because the colour was wrong. How could he have known that my friend Cloe
came crying to me because she had wanted to get a BLUE rose for Meshael and couldn\'t.


In the end Cloe opted for a rose bush called "The Breath of Life" it was peach colour! He told me,
as I already knew, that I had to make the most difficult decision in my life - but she said that I
had made the right decisions before and after her death. The most important thing was that she
wanted me to know that she was alright. I think that was my turning point. I came out of the studio
on a hot air balloon. And I felt for the first time totally at peace within myself. I KNOW that she
is OK whereever she is. We were beamed out all over the world apparantly and recently they came back
to shoot another programme about how I felt about the reading and what was going on in my life at
the moment.

Meshael was so special, she had left me a letter that was written as if she knew that she was going
to leave me. On my birthday, I was crying my eyes out and howling. As I got into my car the locket,
which I keep on the rear view mirror containing her picture and lock of hair, was WIDE open, facing
me as I got in. The locket has never been opened since the day
I put it there. I know she wanted me know she was here.

Meshael never knew about the circumstances of her birth - I am so glad. It would not have mattered
if I had given birth to her - she could not be any more my daughter than she was. We were a unit and
I felt for ages like someone had cut off my other hand. I never wanted children of my own but I
think God sent me one of his most precious Angels to look after for a little while. Wish it could
have been longer but now I am sure that
we will be re-united one day.

Well, I am getting on with my life. Luckily I work and that gives me something to do with my time. I
have lots of animals and so many wonderful friends. We set up a web-site for Fanconi Anaemia in UK.
Please take a look, there's a photo of me and Meshael there too. Oh yeah, and I completed my
Fostering Course and am helping other abandoned children to become whole and feel loved and wanted.
It's a hard job but someone has to do it.

Thank you for reading Meshael's story - she is a very special Angel

I know Meshael really enjoys seeing the beautiful candles that have been left by people who have
been touched by her life. It is a comfort to me that her name is on the lips of strangers who may
never met her but who want to remember that such a special little girl was once here on earth.

God Bless

Please check out Meshael's other websites - made especially for her heaven birthdays. (There are
lots of graphics and music so please wait till it all downloads)

http://www.geocities.com/dadtochris7/meshaelbd.html
http://www.geocities.com/dadtochris7/meshael1.html
http://www.geocities.com/angelmomfriends8/meshael2.html
http://www.geocities.com/brokenheartsnews3/meshael21bd.html